


Ace Ace Revolution

by AyumiUK (weirdpianist)



Category: One Piece
Genre: Ace is not Happy, Ace is the Universe's Plaything, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Gratuitous Japanese, I Don't Even Know, Knight Templar Big Brother, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1300309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdpianist/pseuds/AyumiUK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ace unwittingly becomes a poltergeist and starts a revolution in the Afterlife. As for Luffy, he just wants his brothers back. And meat--can't forget the meat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Umi wo Meguru Otoko

**Author's Note:**

> The author would like to die in a corner now. orz

**Ace:**  Huh, so this is Heaven. *looks around*

 **Receptionist who looks suspiciously like a certain blonde secretary:**  Welcome to Heaven, mister Portgas. You have killed many people and spread chaos wherever you went. *reads report* That amounts to twenty years in Purgatory before ascending… however, you sacrificed your life for the Chosen One—

 **Ace:**  Wait, Luffy is some kind of messiah?

 **Receptionist:**  Correct. He's already saved thousands of lives and rid the world of many evils. His destiny is to become the Pirate King and usher a new era of prosperity for the world.

 **Ace:**  Eh?

 **Receptionist:**  That or trigger the Apocalypse, whichever comes first.

 **Ace:**  EH?

-later…-

 **Ace:**  *wriggles uncomfortably* Gah, I hate shirts.

 **Receptionist:**  Please keep your clothes on, mister Portgas. No indecent exposure is allowed in Heaven.

 **Ace:**  I'm not gonna parade in my birth suit or anything. But this shirt is suffocating me.

 **Receptionist:**  That's sexual harassment.

 **Ace:**  No, it isn't! *grumbles* As if the fluffy wings and weird antennae weren't enough… and where's my hat?

 **Receptionist:**  The design was considered offensive, so we left it in Purgatory.

 **Roger:**  SON! *tackles*

 **Ace:**  Geroff! *looks up*

 **Roger:**  *wide smile*

 **Ace:**  *points* What about this thing? It's a lot more offensive than my hat.

 **Roger:**   _...thing?_ OTL

 **Receptionist:**  It's not orange.

 **Roger:**   _…it?_ orz

 **Rouge:**  Now now, dear… he didn't mean it. *hugs*

 **Ace:**  The hell I didn't mean! You— *double takes* Mom?

 **Rouge:**  Hello, Ace. I wasn't expecting you so soon. I died so you'd live a happy life and populate the new world with Portgas children. *smiles* What. Are. You. Doing. Here?

 **Ace:**  *shivers* Er… gotta go, bye bye! *runs away*

 **Roger:**  Not even one bastard? At your age, I had at least twenty children scattered around the worl—

 **Rouge:**  Dear. What did you say?

 **Roger:**  Er, gotta go bye bye? *runs*

 **Receptionist:**  …

 **Ace:**  *pant* What was that place…? It couldn't be Heaven if that man was there. Hey, that's my hat! *removes shirt and puts hat on* Much better. Now, where to? After 'Heaven', I'll take my chances in Hell. At least it's warm in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er, well. I wanted to do a 4koma... and this happened. Ooh, shiny!


	2. 3 Days, 2 Years...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gods, I have no idea what I'm writing... Enjoy?

What happened thus far:

Ace died and woke up in Heaven. Didn’t like it there. Descended to Hell.

 

* * *

 

 **Ace:**  On second thought, Hell doesn’t seem that great either. F**k it! I’m getting the hell outta here! *turns to leave*

 **Receptionist:**  Wait! You can’t go back!

 **Ace:**  The hell I care! *flips random table*

 **Receptionist:**  Not now, at least.

 **Ace:**  ?

 **Receptionist:**  You see, your death was all part of the Plan. If you go back, we’ll have to kill you again.

 **Ace:**  Plan?

 **Receptionist:**  *fixes glasses* Years ago, when you were just a half-planned character, Kami-sama decided you’d help Luffy. And that’s what you’re doing right now.

 **Ace:**  I’m dead. *deadpan* (And what’s a kamisama? Some kind of food?)

 **Receptionist** : Exactly! Your death had a major impact on his life and triggered the long awaited character development! Without it, Luffy would never mature enough to proceed on his quest.

 **Ace:**  ???

 **Receptionist:**  However, if you really must go back, please wait for the time skip.

 **Ace:**  I don’t get it, but if that means I can go back later, then whatever. *realization* Wait. 3D2Y… 3 days two years? TWO YEARS? TWO F***ING YEARS STUCK HERE?!

 **Receptionist:**  Haven’t you got any friends to visit? You have a unique opportunity here. *smiles gently, which gives off a creepy vibe* Use it well.

 **Ace:**  … you’re actually right. I can… Sabo! And… and Pops and that idiot Thatch and and and… *giddy*

 **Receptionist:**  Since your case is pretty exceptional, God gave you an especial pass. *hands a badge* With this, you can access any part of the After-life. *smiles* Enjoy!

 **Ace:**  Thanks! Wait a minute… why does it say janitor…?


	3. The Great After-life Phone Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's even shorter than the last. o.o
> 
> At least it was a loooot faster?
> 
> ...sorry. orz

_*Mop and an assortment of cleaning products pop magically*_

**Ace:**  … earn your freedom. Bullsh*t. I’ll just leave it there.

*mop grows legs and starts following Ace around, carrying the bucket a la Fantasia*

 **Ace:**  *looks up* Okay. I get it. Clean stuff. I have loads of experience cleaning after Luffy. Should be a piece of cake.

_Two months later:_

**Ace:**  *wipes sweat off brows* Whew. See? Easy. *looks at calendar* Two months? I wasted two entire months? It sure didn’t feel like it. Maybe waiting two years isn’t so bad. …Nah, who am I kidding? One hour or two months, it still sucked.

 **Receptionist-who-just-got-promoted:**  good job. I do wonder, though. How did you manage to fix the plumbing of the Eastern Torture Chamber? It had been horribly clogged for more than a century.

 **Ace:**  *reminisces* Haha. That… was… *shudders* It didn’t happen.

 **Recept-I mean, Boss:**  …I’m almost afraid to ask. Anyway, the fact you managed ten years’ worth of working in two months is very impressive. So, you’re free to explore now. Here *hands an enormous book and a den den mushi* This should help you for now.

 **Ace:**  Ah, thanks. *starts browsing the Great After-life Phone Book, 666th edition* Ryuk, Ryuuma, Sade… This list must be old. I can’t find Sabo anywhere.

 **Boss:**  The Great After-life Phone Book was updated last month. If the name isn’t there, the person is alive. Reincarnation hasn’t been a feasible option ever since the River Lethe dried… and that was a long time ago.

 **Ace:**  Alive. He’s been alive all this time and never contacted us. F***, where was he when Luffy shoved that bear carcass under his mattress and forgot it for a month? Nowhere!

 **Boss:**  *sweatdrops* …have you ever heard of priorities?


End file.
